Peter,
Judas, and Me
Perhaps
it reflects my own brokenness but two of the characters in the Easter story
that I find most interesting are Judas and Pilate. They both serve as warnings of what I might
become.
In
Matthew’s telling of the Gospel, Peter and
Judas are set in juxtaposition to each other.
After Peter’s denial and subsequent bitter crying, he is not seen again
in the Matthew account. We can presume
that Matthew’s readers were well aware of Peter’s restoration, especially in
view of his sermon at the beginning of the church in Acts 2.
Judas
also vanishes from the Matthew account after his regrets over his
betrayal. Judas is the picture of
willfully turning from Christ which leads to turning on Christ and moving so
deep into sin that restoration becomes impossible. We are never told the
specifics of Judas’ motivation for his betrayal. I believe that is to keep us from falling
into the misunderstanding that if I don’t do what Judas did I am okay. There are many paths to apostasy. We are told about Judas to demonstrate the
possibility not to identify the path. In
Mt 27.3 we learned that Judas “felt remorse”.
This has on occasions, sadly, been translated in such a way as to imply
that Judas had a heart change over what he did.
μεταμέλλομαι is
used five times in the N.T. Twice by
Jesus In Mt 21. Once He used it to
describe the son who regretted not going to work in the vineyard (v. 29). And once over the lack of even a trace of
regret by the religious leaders over ‘sinners’ going into the kingdom ahead of
them (v. 31). It was used in 2 Cor. 7:8
in which Paul had only short term regrets over causing distress by his prior
letter. Its final use was Hebrews 7:21
in which the Father has no regrets over the ordination of the Son in the order of
Melchizedek. This word, which is more
often used with a negative, is a far cry from repentance, as far as Peter is
from Judas.
The
problem is we can, if we are not careful, confuse the two. Salve our conscience with a deep sense of
regret and not genuinely repent. Some
have said that the difference is regret is sorrow over getting caught and
repentance is sorrow even if we are never caught. That is good as far as it goes. But there is more to it. Judas was never caught. He remained in good standing with the Romans
and the Jewish leadership. The disciples
and apparently Jesus were at this moment to do anything to him. We can never be caught, have regrets and
still not repent. We can access porn,
cheat on taxes, lie in our dealings, hate and kill in our hearts, never get
caught, have a twinge of guilt, feel regret, and still not repent.
The
difference is that regret is “me” centered, repentance is God centered. Regret is about what I did and how its
results will work out. Repentance begins
with accepting the Lord’s opinion on my action and what this will do to our
relationship. Regret starts in the mind
but may never each the heart or soul.
Repentance embraces all of our being.
Regret begins on the outside and works its way to just under the
surface. Repentance begins at the core
of our being and works its way to every part of who we are. Regret attempts to manage the circumstances
and behavior. Repentance changes
life. Regret is entirely human. Repentance is the work of the Holy Spirit in
us.
As I
reflect on Peter and Judas as we approach Easter my concern is that I have
confused in my life personal regret for genuine repentance. I fear I rationalize and justify selfish behavior
and when that is no long possible I regret but not repent.
“Holy Spirit bring on me your just, righteous, and
holy judgment so that I may repent my sins and not just regret them for
eternity. In the name of Jesus I pray
Amen.”
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