What is best for our children?

What is best for our children?

(For a number of reasons I have not posted anything to this blog for almost two years.  I have decided to return to posting blogs.  This is a re-post of something I wrote a few years ago.  It is so important that I decided that if I were to start blogging again this would be where I wanted to start.)

What is the best thing you can do for the future of your child’s spiritual growth?  It might be to throw mama out of church.  This is of course a hyperbole, a bit of an over statement but only barely. (Hyperbole exaggeration in the service of truth).  It appears that a mother’s leadership in the spiritual life of the children relative to the father’s may actually be destructive according to a study released in 2000 by Werner Haug and Philippe Wanner.[1]

 

This is not about the role of leadership of women in the church.  That is actually a secondary subject.  If we get the masculine leadership in the spiritual formation of children, the church will take care of itself. 

 

According to the study, in each category when the mother’s practice is equal to or greater than the father’s practice the future participation on the part of the children declines.  (Carefully study the chart below.)  As we might expect, the role of the father’s leadership is the key factor in a child’s future faith practice.  However, there is critical observation that must not be missed. The greatest participation of children came when the Father was regular and the mother was non-practicing.  This is completely opposite of what we might expect, what we have taught, and what we have been practicing in the church in America.  We might expect that the greatest likelihood for children’s future participation would occur with both parents being active.  That is not the case.  This data is based on European families that are ethnic minorities, so there may be variables that are somewhat different in the American culture and church.  This study also did not take into account the gender of the child.  Nevertheless, the findings are staggering. 

 

While this study did not focus on leadership in the home, I wish to offer my conjecture.  I believe that in cases when the father attends regularly but the mother is the one who is providing the impetus for spiritual formation the faith development of the children will be diminished.  It is NOT enough for a father to attend service of the church HE MUST BE THE SPIRITUAL LEADER IN THE HOME.  What is important to the father will set the values, mores and ethics of the children.  By the fact that our children have a built-in hypocrisy detector, when dad is just going along with mom’s spiritual quest the kids pick that up and will adopt the real ideals of their dad. 

 

As the American church has tried to liberate women in the church by opening up positions of leadership we have allowed the men/husbands/fathers to wash their hands of the responsibility of spiritual leadership.  As this has happened in the functional life of the church it has migrated into spiritual formation in the home.  Show me a community where men have vacated the spiritual leadership of the church and the home and I believe you will see a community where the next generation is growing apathetic about their faith walk. 

 

No one is going to advocate oppressing women; that is foolish.  However, the time is long past for the church to call on men to love their kids into a dynamic faith by being the advocate for their spiritual practices.  We need to call men to be the default leader in the home for all matters spiritual. We need to call for men to take the family to worship, not sending them.  We need to teach dad’s to bring Biblical truth and values to life’s situations.   Dad’s need to be the ones who are seen as the Bible experts in the family.  It is dad who leads prayers at bedtime and thanks at meals.  Men’s ministry at the church needs to be more than macho, beast feast and Christian sports bar talk.  It must be a call to real faith on the part of men that flows into their children.  If you already believe the role of “Fathers” in the spiritual development of their children is critical then this study will provide you plenty to think about and work with in your faith an home.

 

We look at the moral chaos of our society, the declining influence of our faith on the next generation, and the steady and rapid decline of the church and we have two options.  One, you may begin developing a strategy to help men develop into the strong spiritual leaders in the home. Or, we can form an advance committee to oversee the closure of your church.

 

 

To that end we will begin XY, a men’s spiritual formation group, for the purpose of helping men see their role in the family, the church, and the community.  The centerpiece will be a bi-monthly gathering on the 1^st and 3^rd Saturday’s of the month at 7:00 AM.  It may not be easy but it will be worthwhile.

 

 

Parental Influence on Faith Practices of Their Children

 

 

Practice of Parents	Practice of Parents	Practice of the children	Practice of the children	Practice of the children	Practice of the children
FATHER	MOTHER	REGULAR	IRREGULAR	NON-PRACTISING	TOTAL
Regular	Regular	32.8	41.4	25.8	100.0
Regular	Irregular	37.7	37.6	24.7	100.0
Regular	Non-Practicing	44.2	22.4	33.4	100.0
Irregular	Regular	3.4	58.6	38.0	100.0
Irregular	Irregular	7.8	60.8	31.4	100.0
Irregular	Non-Practicing	25.4	22.8	51.8	100.0
Non-Practicing	Regular	1.5	37.4	61.1	100.0
Non-Practicing	Irregular	2.3	37.8	59.9	100.0
Non-Practicing	Non-Practicing	4.6	14.7	80.7	100.0

 

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[1]

Werner Haug; Philippe Wanner (January 2000). "IV. The demographic characteristics of linguistic and religious groups in Switzerland". The Demographic Characteristics of National Minorities in Certain European States. Population Studies No. 31. Volume 2. Germany: Council of Europe. p. 154. ISBN 978-92-871-4159-0.