What is the best thing you can do for the
future of the church? It might be to
throw mama out. (Hyperbole exaggeration
in the service of truth). That is perhaps a bit of an over statement but only
barely. It appears that a mother’s
leadership in the spiritual life of the children relative to the father’s may
actually be destructive according to a study released in 2000 by Werner Haug
and Philippe Wanner.[1]
This is not about the role of leadership of
women in the church. Everybody and his
brother are commenting on that subject.
This is about masculine leadership in the spiritual formation of
children.
According to the study, in each category when
the mother’s practice is equal to or greater than the father’s practice the
future participation on the part of the children declines. (See chart below.) As we might expect, the role of the father’s
leadership is the key factor in a child’s future faith practice. However, there is critical observation that
must not be missed. The greatest participation of children came when the Father
was regular and the mother was non-practicing.
This is completely opposite of what we might expect, what we have
taught, and what we have been practicing in the church in America. We might expect that the greatest likelihood
for children’s future participation would occur with both parents being active. That is not the case. This data is based on European families that
are ethnic minorities, so there may be variables that are somewhat different in
the American culture and church. This
study also did not take into account the gender of the child. Nevertheless, the findings are
staggering.
While this study did not focus on leadership in
the home, I wish to offer my conjecture.
I believe that in cases where the father attends regularly but the
mother is the one who is providing the impetus for spiritual formation the
faith development of the children will be diminished. It is NOT enough for a father to attend
service of the church HE MUST BE THE SPIRITUAL LEADER IN THE HOME. What is important to the father will set the
values, mores and ethics of the children.
By the fact that our children have a built-in hypocrisy detector, when
dad is just going along with mom’s spiritual quest the kids pick that up and
will adopt the real ideals of their dad.
As the American church has tried to liberate
women in the church by opening up positions of leadership we have allowed the
men/husbands/fathers to wash their hands of the responsibility of spiritual
leadership. As this has happened in the functional
life of the church it has migrated into the home. Show me a community where men have vacated
the spiritual leadership of the church and the home and I believe you will see
a community where the next generation is growing apathetic about their faith
walk.
No one is going to advocate oppressing women;
that is foolish. However, the time is
long past for the church to call on men to love their kids into a dynamic faith
by being the advocate for their spiritual practices. We need to call men to be the default leader
in the home for all matters spiritual. We need to call for men to take the
family to worship, not sending them. We
need to teach dad’s to bring Biblical truth and values to life’s situations. Dad’s need to be the ones who are seen as
the Bible experts in the family. It is
dad who leads prayers at bedtime and thanks at meals. Men’s ministry at the church needs to be more
than macho, beast feast and Christian sports bar talk. It must be a call to real faith on the part
of men that flows into their children.
If you already believe the role of “Fathers” in the spiritual
development of their children is critical then this study will provide you
plenty to think about and work with in your ministry.
If you look around your sanctuary and see a lot
of moms and few dads, you have one of two choices. One, you may begin developing a strategy to
help the men in your congregation develop into the strong spiritual leaders in
the home. Or, you can form an advance committee to oversee the closure of your
church.
Parental
Influence on Faith Practices of Their Children
|
Practice of Parents
|
Practice of Parents
|
Practice of the children
|
Practice of the children
|
Practice of the children
|
Practice of the children
|
|
FATHER
|
MOTHER
|
REGULAR
|
IRREGULAR
|
NON-PRACTISING
|
TOTAL
|
|
Regular
|
Regular
|
32.8
|
41.4
|
25.8
|
100.0
|
|
Regular
|
Irregular
|
37.7
|
37.6
|
24.7
|
100.0
|
|
Regular
|
Non-Practicing
|
44.2
|
22.4
|
33.4
|
100.0
|
|
Irregular
|
Regular
|
3.4
|
58.6
|
38.0
|
100.0
|
|
Irregular
|
Irregular
|
7.8
|
60.8
|
31.4
|
100.0
|
|
Irregular
|
Non-Practicing
|
25.4
|
22.8
|
51.8
|
100.0
|
|
Non-Practicing
|
Regular
|
1.5
|
37.4
|
61.1
|
100.0
|
|
Non-Practicing
|
Irregular
|
2.3
|
37.8
|
59.9
|
100.0
|
|
Non-Practicing
|
Non-Practicing
|
4.6
|
14.7
|
80.7
|
100.0
|
Werner Haug; Philippe Wanner
(January 2000). "IV. The demographic characteristics of linguistic and
religious groups in Switzerland". The Demographic
Characteristics of National Minorities in Certain European States. Population Studies No. 31. Volume 2. Germany: Council of
Europe. p. 154. ISBN 978-92-871-4159-0.
