Monday, August 10, 2015

Prayer Request and the thoughts it prompts.


We got some bad news in our house this week.  My father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer.   It is too early to have any long-term prognosis but the first test results and first comments of the Drs. are not very encouraging.  There are a number of tumors on the surface of the skin, in the lymphatic system and spread through the trunk of his body.  The Drs. specifically noted at least two in the lungs.  His mother and father as well as his two older sisters died of cancer.  His surviving sister is a cancer survivor. 

Sunday afternoon a couple of men from the church where he attends came by to serve him communion and offer their support.  After the prayers and communion he shared how much it meant to him to have them come by.  He shared with them the family history and them told, “The clock is running out for me.” He then broke down and cried.  My wife, who was down for the weekend, said it was the first time she had ever seen her dad cry.    She and my daughter, who was granted special leave from the Navy, also gave way to the tears.  When he was first told the biopsy results he had been talking about being able to “beat this”.   Later he became angry about being moved from one room to another, he is not the kind of man who gets angry.  Perhaps he has moved from denial and anger into acceptance, if those categories or stages are even valid.  I am not qualified to say where he is.

We are hoping and praying for good health and healing but we also realize that unless the Lord returns we will all pass from this life to our reward.  With that in mind we are planning to make sure that we get all the visits in while we can.  We are planning for our oldest daughter and her two children will be down next weekend.  The weekend after that my son, youngest daughter and I will go down to have a visit.  When I have my time talk with my father-in-law I am not entirely sure what to say.

I could talk about how I was welcomed into the family and treated with a kindness that is hard to describe.  There was never a sense of my not belonging.  In some ways I have felt more accepted by my in laws than my immediate family.  (Then again my immediate family knows my faults and childhood).  I could talk about how wonderful my life is because of his wonderful daughter.  My wife is a delight and joy.  She is the star of our home with all planets finding place warmth and life in her.  That is the result of her dad imparting to her great love, honor and respect.  My wife tells me that growing up she went through an awkward homely stage; she said it was the worst year for a girl struggling with self-esteem.  But in that difficult year her tender hearted dad made her feel like a princess.  In fact he still carries that year’s school photo in his wallet.  I could, but will not, ask him about the troublesome and painful dysfunctions of his family, his in-laws and that generation.  He stood between his little girl and the bad old days and protected her from a lot of not good stuff.  My wife’s elementary school struggled with race relations and integration.  My father-in-law told my wife, “Black kids are just like white kids, if you are friendly to them you will make a new friend”.  Pretty color blind advice.  But it is even more remarkable when you remember that his mother rode the lead horse in the KKK parade.  He stood between the evil of one generation and innocents of another and protected my wife.  I could go on and tell other stories but the computer screen is getting blurry and my hands are shaking and my heart is heavy. 

I suppose that when I go to talk to ‘Papa’ I will simply tell him I love him, and “THANK YOU” for doing so much to make my life wonderful.

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