When it comes to clergy killers what can be done?

About 25 years ago, I jokingly told a minister friend that we ought to form a union.  I got the idea for an old Bloom County cartoon in which the elves in Santa’s North Pole workshop unionized.  We were both at churches that had some very difficult members and we tried to find relief in some humor. 

Recently, the ministers of the United Church of Christ in Canada have responded to a hostile working environment produced by clergy killers by becoming part of a union.  What was once a joke is now a reality, but forming a union for ministers seems to be the wrong approach to dealing with clergy killers.  So what can be done?

The issue of clergy killers reaches across denominational lines, but there are some general principles that will be useful; specifically, when it comes to what we can do as individual ministers.    

1.     Let’s be honest about the scope and depth of the problem.

For a very long time we have acted as if problematic churches were an anomaly.  We have, either in honest misunderstanding or as an act of denial, assumed that problematic churches or churches with problem people were a small minority.  We need to educate ourselves about the condition of our churches and the frequency of problematic churches within the Kingdom of God.  This research needs to be both precise, academic research and the personal, antidotal research for our own enlightenment.  A good place to begin is with this website: http://www.intothyword.org/apps/articles/?articleid=36562

I also recommend that you find a copy and watch the documentary film Betrayed: A Clergy Killers DNA.  A review of which can be read here: http://www.virtueonline.org/“betrayed-clergy-killer’s-dna”

The film looks at the subject from a pretty broad base.  I recommend watching this when you are having a good day, otherwise it might be a bit too depressing. 

2.     Prepare ministers (especially new ministers) to confront clergy killers. 

When I was in Bible College we never talked about how to deal with problems in the church with one exception.  I once asked my professor in “Church Administration” how to deal with problem people.  His answer, while well-intentioned, simply doesn’t work with aggressive clergy killers.  He said, “Get out there and grow your church; when you double in size out-vote the bad apples and move on.”  That will work only if everyone is playing by the rules.  By their nature, clergy killers won’t do that.   We need to equip ministers, especially young ministers, to confront clergy killers directly, lovingly, and firmly. 

Here are a few resources that can be helpful in equipping to confront:

·      Necessary Endings, by Henry Cloud, is not specifically about clergy killers, but has fantastic applications that will help a minister protect his mind, family, and soul.  Cloud’s description of three groups of people, “Wise, Foolish, and Evil” and how to deal with each is worth the cost and time for the book.

·      Pastor Abusers by Kent Crockett addresses the fact that conflict resolution will never bring peace between the Kingdoms of Light and Dark.  In other words, face up to the fight.

·      Antagonist in the Church by Kenneth C. Haugk, Ph.D., may be the most practical of these books in terms of establishing systems for dealing with those troubled people who are causing trouble. 

·      Well Intentioned Dragons, Marshall Shelley editor.  This is an older book from the Leadership Library.  It can offer advice on how to minister to problem people.  It only deals with the truly dysfunctional, pathological clergy killer in a couple of chapters. 

This is by no means an exhaustive bibliography on the subject; it is only a starting point.  Beyond printed resources we need to develop the connections with other ministers that will help us keep our sanity.

3.     Get connected

In the struggle of being under attack, a minister is limited in the places he can turn to for support.  He shouldn’t turn too much to family-they are stressed enough already.  He can talk with church members, but that will almost certainly backlash.  He can’t talk to non-Christian friends; they might be turned off from the faith forever.  He has to be careful talking with ministers in the same fellowship; he can get a negative reputation that might follow him.  But the voice of experience is here to tell you there has to be a release valve; if you don’t talk, you feel like you might explode.  Here are three suggestions for great places to talk that can be very helpful.

       i.         Become part of the “Stressed Clergy Association”.  There are no dues or fees.  Simply call them up and someone will help you connect with someone to talk to.  They offer from time to time special events and seminars.  As you might imagine, they are understaffed for the need, but they are a great resource.    http://www.stressedclergyassociation.org

     ii.         Weekly conference call.  I was once part of a weekly conference call with preachers from NC, GA, VA, TX and FL.  We share openly and freely without fear of what we were saying making it back to our home church.  Each week we gave the high point, the low point, and the prayer request.  After everyone talked, we took turns praying for each other.  We also made ourselves available for private calls.  It was an hour each week that was extremely well spent.  Conference calls are easy and cheap.  If you reach out, I will bet you will find other preachers who need this too.

    iii.         PInG.  Talking with preachers from other denominations can be a great help.  For a Pastors In Groups (PInGs) support in your town in which three-at the most four-pastors get together to pray for each other every two weeks.  No agenda, not citywide campaigns, just listening to and caring for each other.  Keep the advice to a minimum.  While you will not agree with these other preachers on every point, you will find most preachers have very compassionate hearts.  One of my best friends today is a PInG mate from 5 years ago.  We keep in close contact. 

You will need to talk.  If you don’t, you might just explode.  If you cannot find anyone else to talk to, please call me.

o   When it gets really bad.

Notice that I said “when” not “if” it gets really bad.  We should expect it to get bad at times.  Most of us would agree that the church in America today, by and large, is not in especially great shape spiritually.  The church is in the world as a witness, but it seems that the world is in the church and one manifestation of spiritual immaturity is that the powers of darkness will use carnal church members to attack the shepherds.  I believe we can prepare ourselves by accepting the reality that Satan is gunning for us and we can expect to get beat up.  Here are a couple of things we all need to do.

       i.         Take care of yourself.  In the midst of the misery of a clergy attack it seems almost wrong to not focus on the church all the time.  That kind of focus is not healthy.  Work hard, but in the same week care for your body, soul, and mind. Eat well, exercise hard, and get your sleep.  Have fun!!! If you fish, take a fishing trip; if you hunt, shoot something.  Ride your motorcycle.  If anyone says anything about it, you tell them, “My councilor (that is me) has ordered me to do this.”  If they give you grief, suggest that they call me. ;)

     ii.         Don’t be afraid to leave the ministry for a season.  I know this sounds heretical.  We have been taught that if a man leaves the ministry he is done for.  Says who?  If you are about to lose it, step down from the ministry for a few years, yes, years.  It will take that long to get over the pain.  DON’T DO THIS IS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT.  Plan your exit so that you and your family will not be living under a bridge.  It is okay to leave for a little while; God will not love you any less. 

    iii.         Break the golden handcuffs.  Golden Handcuffs typically refers to deferred compensation or benefits that keeps employees on a job they may hate because the loss of the deferred benefits is too great.  For those of us in ministry, we may not have deferred golden handcuffs, but often we feel like we can’t make a living doing anything else.  We are trapped in a bad job at a bad church because we don’t have the training or the experience to get any other job.   Let me offer you my personal experience.  I felt that way.  I was at a church that was killing me.  I left despite the golden (or in my case bronze) handcuffs.  I took about a $25K hit in salary the first year.  It has been a constant financial struggle all along the way.  IT WAS WORTH EVERY DIME.  I actually love God again, my family is better off, and I am free to serve not serving in handcuffs.  I strongly recommend that you make the transition wisely.  Do not let you soul be help hostage to a dollar sign.