Lessons from the Worst Women’s Retreat EVER

Several years ago I was witness to the worst women’s retreat in the history of Christendom.  I was the minister of a congregation that had a contingency of Twi-hards (women who were dedicated fans of the Twilight books and movies).  These women decided that they would have a “women’s retreat” in which they would go to  a larger city near our town, go to a late night showing of the latest release, spend the night at a motel and then the next morning have devotions and communion as a group.   Some went so far as to get “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” tee shirts for the occasion and with husbands and children left behind the happy band of younger women left for their retreat.  Everything went great except they forgot to take a single Bible for the devotions or supplies for group communion.  So, after sleeping in late they went to Starbucks and shared a sweet roll instead of bread and coffee instead of wine/grape juice and instead of studying the word of God they talked.  To this day, all I can do is shake my head.

But lest we castigate these women too harshly…  I recently attended a worship service with the whole congregation present and for the communion meditation the speaker spent most of the time talking about his workout routine and how tough it can be.  He failed to read any scripture though he did vaguely refer to a passage.  He summed things up by saying we should be glad that Jesus didn’t take the easy way out.  I am not convinced that squats are as difficult as a crucifixion.

On a different occasion, I heard a speaker espouse that God is a free market capitalist because the parable of the talents teaches investing and having a good ROI. It was more of a lesson on the advantages of free enterprise over socialism, especially as it related to health care than service to God.  I had no idea that Jesus would tell a story to shape U.S. domestic policy 20 centuries later.

Then there was the time the sermon was about “wrestling with ourselves”.  The text was Romans 7:14-25 and the jest of the sermon was that we are winners.  In the sermon I learned about the preacher’s numerous sports injuries and his playing through these injuries, especially if he were playing against his kids. 

I recently read Eric Metaxas’ book Martin Luther, which I highly recommend.  The impact of the Reformation on the Western church’s thought and culture is hard to over state.  And it began as one monk, struggling with God, began to pour over the Word of God.  In his passion to hear God’s word for himself, he discovered something that was lost in his world and time.  As he poured over Scripture, God changed this man and the effects of that change have not yet played out.  It happened without an expensive vampire retreat, political eisegeses, bragging about physical fitness, or ministers wanting to relive their glory days in sports.  It happened because the Word of God was the priority.

What would happen if we returned to taking the Word of God seriously and as we carefully study scripture we concluded with: “How should scripture change me?”  H.S.S.C.M. let’s not put that on silicon wristband; let’s put that in our lives. 

Would you make good fertilizer?

Would you make good fertilizer?  That may seem like an odd question but when you hear the context it is more of a chilling question.  Allow me to share the back-story.  Some time ago I was at a frat house talking with some of the brothers.  One way to get frat boys to open up is to ask, “Which house has the reputation for being the rowdiest?”   Every time I have asked this question I get lively answers.  Generally, the answers are, “We are a little rowdy, but those guys are the worst.”  On this occasion the boys said, “Most people would say we are.”  They went on to relate a story of under-aged drinking and an alleged rape at one of the parties.  But in their defense they said the girl should have set her morals differently.  This in turn led to a discussion of morals and right and wrong.  One of the boys said, “I’ll tell you what is wrong.  It is all these old people using up all the resources.  They live a long time and just use everything up.  What we ought to do is grind old people into fertilize and use them to grow food that way they would have some use.”  Later in the conversation I asked this young man what was his major.  “Political Science” was his reply.  So, if this young man doesn’t change his mind and if he and those who think like him end up in power, would you make good fertilizer?

We tell ourselves that this could never happen in America.  We believe that in some way our inherent superiority will protect us from this level of depravity.  I am reminded that the land that produced Bach, Brahmas, and Beethoven also produced Auschwitz, Dachau, and Buchenwald.  The land that gave the world the great Martin Luther and Phillip Melanchthon also unleashed on the world Adolph Eichmann and Joseph Mengele. 

When we were given the worst-case scenario at the beginning of the sexual revolution many said it could never happen in America.  The degradation of sexual mores in our nation today is far beyond the direst of warnings of two generations ago.  To say “it can never happen here” is a fool’s insurance policy. 

So, what do we do?  I believe there are two things that must be the foundational in our efforts to oppose evil.  We must renew our commitment to evangelize our nation.  But this effort needs to be built on the first principle of truth.  Much of what is misguided in American Christianity is we have replaced truth with pragmatism.  We must be radically committed to truth.  Not relative truth, subjective truth, or group truth, but that which conforms to reality, objective truth.  As a nation we are completely disconnected from the concept of truth.  In my BiVo work I am in sales.  I am stunned at the ease with which sales training gives itself over to deceptions and fabrication.  From simple dishonesties to false representation, much of my sales training has focused on bending, ignoring, or rejecting the truth. I was told, “Yes, this is a lie but people need this, so lying to them to convince them to get it is okay.”  My failure to use approved sales strategies may result in my dismissal, but I am really okay with that. 

It is not just salesman.  There is a saying in sells, “Buyers are Liars.”  I have found a great many of the people I talk to possess a profound ability to lie.  One example will suffice.  I went to a home at the appointed time, knocked on the door and asked to speak to George (not his real name).  The teenage son looked at me and said, “He is not here.”  All the while I was looking over the boy’s shoulder at the man.  How many times had the boy been told to and did lie about his dad?  Falsehood has become our native tongue. 

As a society, we have become so adapt at spin and lie and propaganda that we can no longer care if something is true.  We only care if something supports or opposes our side.  From politics at the highest level down to answering the door we are a nation adept at myopic vision when it comes to truth and what benefits us.  We are often more than willing to point out the deceptions of those we disagree with, while blinking or nodding at the fabrication from those we like.  As disciples of the One who said He was the Truth we must be committed to truth, because beyond being a statement of fact, truth is also a person. 

A change in your outreach that might help your church grow.

When it comes to door-to-door visitation or cold calling we are hearing two voices.  One voice says: “Going door to door is ineffective and a waste of time.”  These voices often sight the change in culture and the growing resistance to the church as reasons that going door-to-door is not very effective.  I once served as a transitional minister and went to every home in the three neighborhoods nearest the church building with no positive effect. For churches that have such a strong commitment to reach their community but don’t want to do door-to-door calling there must be an effective, strategic plan to connect with those outside of the church’s sphere of influence.  Sometimes that takes the form of mass mailings, social or mass media advertising.

But there are other voices that say, “Going door-to-door will not reach everyone, but it will reach some people.”  This link will take you to an interesting article from about 10 years ago about the statistics associated with door-to-door calling programs.  https://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2008/november/going-door-to-door-look-at-numbers.html Before any door-to-door campaign can be successful there needs to be strong support by the congregation for such a program.

For both those who think door-to-door calling is ineffective and use another means and those who think it can be useful and faithfully visit there is one narrative presented. The general message for most churches is, “Here we are and we think you will like us.  So, why not give us a try.”

But what if we tweak that just a little?  No, let’s turn it on its head.  What if instead of saying, “This is us, you ought to try us, we think you will like us,” we begin by saying, “Tell us about your community, your world and your life.”   I have never met someone who was not at least a little willing to tell you about what they care about.  In fact, most good relationships begin with, “Tell me about yourself,” and not, “I’m pretty special let me tell you about me.”  Which is exactly what we generally do when we reach out to our community.

This relationship-building thing is a much slower process than either a mass media campaign or even door knocking.  It is possible to fake caring in a mass media campaign and even in a door-to-door canvasing. But wanting to learn about the people in your community cannot be faked.  It will demand that we actually get to know them and care about them.  

We can do this by asking, “What are the pressing needs in your neighborhood, community, and world?”

We certainly will not change the message of the gospel.  We may not change the functional ministries of the church, but if we did, it might not be all bad.  But we, if we take to heart what we learn, will have a better understanding of where our community needs the gospel applied.  It will inform both our short-term mindset and our long-term strategy.  But best of all, we will become known to the people in our community as the folks who care.  Asking for help in understanding has not been something that the church has done very gracefully.

One of the long-standing weaknesses of the church is that we have been very good at answering question that no one is asking.  Giving things that people may not need or even want and all the while never getting to know them.  I am reminded of a church that collected and filled 150 (or so) backpacks for children at a local elementary school.  Ironically, most of the kids had no need for what the church wanted to give them.  The backpacks the kids’ parents bought them were of better quality and filled with better school supplies.  When we have a great plan, but never ask good questions we may get poor results. 

How is this different from the seeker driven model of the church growth movement?  In short, the difference lies in the conversation the seeker driven church has about “felt needs” and the individual’s interests.  This other strategy hopes to ask the question, in somewhat discreet terms, where is sin ruining this community?

This will also require meaningful follow up.  This can’t be one and done calling.  This needs to be a planned system of relationship building.  The first contact is really about beginning a friendship that will naturally lead to additional conversations. 

There is one thing about this that is challenging.  It requires a lot of work.  It is clearly impossible for this to be planned and executed by a single staff member or even a team of staff members.  A project like this will absolutely require a church body that is committed to being the incarnation of Christ in our communities. 

Humility and a Gay wedding cake

What would I do if I was a baker and a gay couple asked me to bake a wedding cake for them?  That is not going to happen; I am not a very good cook.  My Ramein Noodle Venison Stew Surprise was described a “snasty” by my daughter.  What ever it means snasty is not good.  Not being a baker or cook I need to be careful about pronouncements of what a Christian baker ought to do.   Additionally, as far as I know no baker will answer to me for anything other than perhaps how much I like his or her pastries.  So I will attempt to keep from offering judgments on someone else’s servants.

However, I am disturbed by a development that has occurred within the Christian community as our faith and convictions come into contrast with the convictions of others in the marketplace and society as a whole.  I get an uneasy feeling when I hear Christian individuals or organizations asserting their rights, legal rights, artistic rights, civil rights, etc. etc.  My problem is that we assert and cling to our rights as if they are the most important possession we have.   We must not be flippant about our legal standing and the importance of our freedoms.   But I believe that this is the wrong hill to die on.  Let me offer my opinion on the matter. 

In a growingly divided, secular, and post Christian culture winning a victory for our rights as Christians on moral grounds will become less and less likely.    But it will continue to create a division across which it will become more and more difficult to bridge separation and share the Gospel.  The moment we frame the conflict in terms of our RIGHTS we have lost both the cultural battle (it is not an even playing field) and the opportunity to be a witness of the grace of Christ.

I make a habit of reading the Gospels frequently.  It is my practice to read them at least once a year.  While I am not a scholar I am amazed at how much or rather how little Jesus talks about asserting our rights.  He talks a great deal more about face slapping than rights demanding.  He also tended not to work within the political system to accomplish His ends.  Prior to His trial you can count on one hand all of Jesus’ comments about political leaders and you will not need all your fingers. 

Paul, who is very clear of the immorality of homosexual behavior, in Colossians 3 gives some good advice for those of us who are employed: Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.  Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.  Many early Christians were slaves to pagan masters.  As such they may have been required to do things they would rather not do.  But Paul calls for sincere service toward these heathen. If I imagine that everyone who walks through the door of my shop as my earthly master then I have to take a humble attitude toward him or her.

And don’t forget that God is smart enough to know our hearts.  Remember the case of Naaman the Leper who was healed.  As a follower of the one true God he had a dilemma.  In 2 Kings 5 we see: “In this matter may the Lord pardon your servant: when my master goes into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leans on my hand and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon, when I bow myself in the house of Rimmon, the Lord pardon your servant in this matter.”  He (Elisha) said to him, “Go in peace.”  To bake a cake for a gay couple doesn’t mean that I endorse gay marriage any more than Naaman’s bowing in the Temple of Rimmon means that he worshiped that snasty pagan god. 

Jesus was a friend of sinners.  Tax collectors who betrayed God’s chosen people to women with promiscuous reputations Jesus was a friend of sinners.  Who has a better chance of having the conversation with the gay person who will face the moment of crisis? The person who says, “My religion will not let me work for you,” or the person who builds a relationship with them.  It has been my experience that gay people are some of the unhappiest people I have ever known.  They tend to be hurting deeply and I believe that pain can be an opportunity to share the love of Christ, but not if I have presented myself as in some way being superior.

We all must follow our own convictions, but it is my earnest opinion that a person marked by humble grace will have a better chance of speaking truth into the life of a sinner, than a person (no matter how correct they are) that demands their rights and their convictions be respected. 

How not to waste $100 Billion Dollars.

Last week we looked at the $100 Billion dollars that the church in America spent on buildings with only negligible results.  How do we make sure that we do not contribute to that pattern?   How can we avoid reckless spending for buildings that may not accomplish anything?

There are two things we need before we even begin to talk about any spending of God-given resources.  These come to us in the form of two questions.  Question #1: Why has God put us here?  Question #2: What are we doing about it?

That first question is about the mission of the church, which generally speaking is to make disciples. We must develop, teach, and live an understanding of the Mission of the Church as the God-given calling for the church. A conviction that the church and therefore any funds will fulfill God’s calling is profoundly powerful.  Or more simply put everyone in your congregation needs to be able to explain why you exist.   That statement needs to be repeated frequently and talked about often.  If your mission statement is small, tepid, weak or selfish your giving will be as well.  A well- developed mission statement is not a luxury it is a necessity.  It is not enough for this sense of vision to be in the heart and mind of the leaders it must permeate the congregation.  “We exist to accomplish this in the kingdom of God, if you are not fully committed to that perhaps you need another congregation” is not too strong a statement. 

The second question is about what we are doing to accomplish God’s calling and purpose for us.  We need folks to say, “Here is what God is doing in my life and I am going to share it.”  That will create in your congregation an authentic excitement and enthusiasm for the church.  It is evident that the will of God for this people, at this time, is being fulfilled.  What tools do we need for EVERY PART of the congregation to be effective in accomplishing God’s calling for the whole congregation?

This leads us to a fundamental shift in the way we think about our buildings and for that matter everything else about the congregation.  If we see all the assets of the church to be dedicated to the purpose of equipping the people of God to go and make disciples that function will result in a different form.  But for the last few generations we have seen the objective as having people come to our building to be entertained and/or educated with the goal that they might become disciples.  This has resulted in our current situation. This second option is neither Biblical nor effective. 

Making disciples can be done in ways that do not require us to pander to the latest fad in the church-industrial complex.  Focusing our resources to maximize our disciple-making efforts for kingdom impact is the only way we can reverse the trend of the declining church in our culture.