Conversation with a Millennial

I talk with a lot of church leaders about their church’s ministry; as a church consultant that is what I do.  One of the ever-present questions and challenges that I hear is, “How can we get young people into our church?”  Yesterday, I attended a 60^th birthday party of a friend whose mother is on her church’s board and when she learned I am a church consultant she asked this question again.  

More than a few books have been written about how to engage Millennials in the life of the church.  A Google search of “Millennials in the church” produces thousands of hits on the coming demise of the church because of the mass exodus of young adults from congregations of all denominations and theological perspectives.  I realize that to write about the Millennials and the church is to go over what has been gone over.  I am certain that I can offer no new insight, tool, or resource that can stem the tide of their mass exodus.  However, I can relate a conversation I had with a Millennial and offer from that a couple of suggestions.

This conversation was with a Millennial who is a deeply committed disciple of our Lord, but who is frustrated beyond decent language with what he experiences when attending a local church.  As a single young adult, he still attends worship, but is almost to the point of dropping out because he finds worship so frustrating.  I expected to hear complaints about bad music or dull sermons.  He didn’t mention anything we typically hear in church growth conversations.

To sum up his complaint would be difficult, (this was a long conversation), but we might get close if we described his portrayal of the church as “Passionless”.  Here are a few snippets of what he said:

·      “If you don’t want to be here don’t come!”

·      “All they really want to do is run stupid, out-of-date, programs.”

·      “The Muslim’s are trying to conquer the world; all we want to do is keep the building.”

·      “It is about people at the center keeping power, people near the center trying to get power, and people on the outside not caring who has power.”

While the comments of one Millennial are only antidotal evidence, there is something to be learned here and it is not from what he said.

Let’s begin with this proposition: “Don’t ask, listen!”

Millennials are among the most spoiled generation ever.  Almost from infancy they have been asked over and over, “What do you want?” and their parents have then done back flips trying to give them what ever they want.  Now churches are doing the same thing.  In formal focus groups or more informal ways we ask, “What would you like the church to do so you will attend and bring your kids?”   We need to stop asking, “How can we spoil you so you will like us?” We need to listen to their heart cry.  In all likelihood, they will not be asking for a program, a nursery upgrade, or a Shamisen in the praise band.  (A Shamisen is a three stringed instrument from Japan that looks vaguely like a banjo).  What you will likely hear is a heart cry wanting to make a difference on the issues of the heart.  It may be the conditions of the community, Black Lives Matter, a perceived Islamic invasion of the west, but it will be about issues that are going on in their world they are inheriting from us. Issues they want to see changed.

Second proposition: “Don’t ask them to be like you/us.”

One church leader came to me and asked, “Why can’t I get the young adults to attend …?”  They went on to describe the ‘program’ that they were running.  To be honest it sounded a lot like programs that my parents ran to attract young families when I was a kid.  In my dad’s ministry back in the 60’s and 70’s, he worked hard at reaching young couples and families, and had considerable success.  As I listened to the description of what was being done, I had a flash back to being a 10 year old attending an event that was part of my dad’s ministry.  This is not a call to a new kind of program.  It is a warning.  We must not expect Millennials to become like us.  I am afraid that in many cases we don’t want Millennials; we want Babyboomer 2.0

Third proposition: “Don’t ask if you don’t want to hear.”

 I have found Millennials, at least in person and individually, to be polite and pleasant.  In groups and online there seems to be a different dynamic at work.  But if you talk with Millennials about church, and they love you too much to protect you from the truth, you most likely will not like what they have to say.  If you don’t want to be offended, then don’t ask for their input.  As I listened to the Millennial talk, I realized that 6 years ago I would have been angry, dismissive, and defensive.  I would have argued that he was being disrespectful to the bride of Christ and should practice Christian submission.  But now I realize, it is only when a critique contains truth that we tend to get our feelings hurt.  Not every thing a millennial says is golden, like all of us, they, collectively and individually, have bonehead ideas.  But if you get close enough to have one tell you what they feel, don’t be hurt if they cut you to the quick as they tell you an ugly truth about your dead or dying church. 

This is not meant to be one more hand-wringing article about the demise of the church in America because Millennials are leaving.  The Church will be fine, and I expect that Millennials will return to the Lord in droves; it just will not be the church we are trying to preserve.  

Hurricane Matthew has a great lesson

Hurricane Matthew has come and gone.   Thankfully, Matthew did not make direct landfall while he was at the peck of his strength.  He seemed to be content to roll up the cost doing most of his damage in the form of erosion.  Living in FL means living with the annual reality that this maybe the year you get clobbered by a monster storm.  Every year beginning in April, before Hurricane season officially begins on June 1, we hear the warning to have a hurricane kit ready.   The message is announced over all media formats and is constantly repeated.  State, county, local government agencies, as well as, utility companies warn the residents of FL to make advanced preparations for a hurricane.  These warnings are almost universally ignored. 

For example, last Wednesday while Matthew was pounding Haiti, frenzied shoppers descended on the Wal-Mart in Lake City, FL. Lake City is the first big town you come to when you enter FL on I-75.  Lake City is about 930 miles from Haiti, about the same distance as it is from NYC or Chicago.  These shoppers had apparently not done their advanced preparations.  Candles, flashlights, batteries, gas cans, small propane canisters, bottled water and other emergency items were gone.  Stock clerks were stalked as they came out of the back of the store.  Patrons wanted to see if they had anything worth having.  There was also a rush on pet food, air mattresses, beer, wine and fans.  I am not sure why someone would buy 7 fans (I suppose it was in case their AC went out).  By Thursday morning, some gas stations were out of fuels.  

Please remember that six months ago the authorities repeated the message: “Be prepared.”  Instead, most people waited till the last minute to panic buy.  In my opinion, hurricane Matthew did more to stimulate the economy than all the government stimulus packages in the last 8 years.  Imagine black Friday shopping, with an “80% off” going out of business sale added to a prediction of 4 inches of snow in Atlanta.  Every bread shelf was completely empty.

As Christians we know that storms are coming in life.  We know we will face hard times; there will be broken relationships, there will be sickness, there will be death, and there will be betrayal.  The coming of the storm is not, “if it will come,” but “when will the next one hit and where?”  Personal and spiritual hardship is just like a hurricane on the coast.

We prepare for these future storms by how we grow in our faith now.  But for many of us and for many members of our congregations, we don’t prepare in advance.  When the evil of life comes roaring into our comfortable lives we panic and are unprepared.  Unlike a hurricane, the hardships of life are of a nature that a trip to Wal-Mart will not help. 

If you did not suffer from Hurricane Hermine a few weeks ago, Matthew is coming.  If neither Hermine nor Matthew got you don’t feel left out, the National Hurricane Center has names picked out till 2021.  If you live in one of the coastal states, one of these bad boys (or girls) might be coming for you.  If you have not suffered yet, you will.  My guess is that we all have suffered in the past.  Our task and calling as Christian leaders is to help our people prepare for future suffering by growing a strong faith. 

In the Cause of Christ

Charlie

The following is a bonus and a sort of advertisement for my consulting work.

Thursday night, my wife and I spent some of our prayer time asking God to protect His people in the midst of Matthew.  During the day Thursday, while the panicked preparation went on, I ate lunch with a minister friend.  During the conversation he shared with me that his metal church building is suffering roof leaks.  The screws that hold the metal in place are breaking off and will all have to be replaced.  This metal building is only 6 years old.  Thankfully, Matthew didn't come anywhere near his building.  But what if they faced serious winds?  If the screws break off and the roof leaks in a typical, summer, FL shower, what would happen if they faced major wind force?

This is one of the reasons I strongly encourage churches to use Sprung Structures for their buildings.  As you look at the destruction caused by Matthew, ask yourself, “Would I want to be in any of those buildings?”

In contrast, on March 13, 2015, Cyclone Pam hit Vanuatu with winds of up to 155 mph. Warwick Le Lagon Convention Center was used as a shelter throughout the category 5 cyclone and sustained minor exterior damage.

"The Sprung Structure that you set up at Warwick Le Lagon Resort has been working fine until last night when Vanuatu experienced a category 5 cyclone, Pam. All the guests were housed in the Convention Centre when the cyclone hit, but while it withstood the destructive wind, the structure has sustained only some minor damage with the membrane.”

Tammie Tam, Senior Vice President/Executive Director-Pacific Warwick International Hotels.

For more information go to: http://www.sprung.com/case-study/warwick-le-lagon-resort-spa

Ministry means that sooner or later we will face a storm; if not a hurricane, then perhaps a tornado, a heat wave, or a blizzard.  In addition to the weather related advantages of a Sprung building, there are numerous reasons why a Sprung building is simply the best building option for churches.  As you consider your next building, it is wise stewardship to make Sprung a part of your plans. 

If you would like more information please email me (Charlie@colemanssi.com) or call/text (352-548-4837) or join us for the our Sprung Structure open house:

Thursday, November 17, 2016, at 1:30 pm

At Highpoint Church of God

Lake Wales, Fl.

Dawgs Vs Vols and facing death

In case you did not see it, the ending of the Georgia Bulldogs and Tennessee Volunteers on Saturday was an ending for the ages. 

Here is a brief.  The Bulldogs controlled the game for the first half, the Volunteers for the second.  The Volunteers take the first lead of the game when the Bulldogs’ quarterback fumbles in his own end zone in the waning minutes of the game.  But with 10 seconds left, the Bulldogs score a go-ahead touchdown on a 47-yard pass. 

It is at this point someone, or several someones, forgot that it is critical to end well.

It is also at this point that the stadium erupts into celebration and emotional players pour off the Bulldogs’ bench to revel with their teammate in the end zone.  The refs throw a flag on the GA team for un-sportsman-like conduct. Meaning, the ensuing kick off is moved 15 yards toward the Bulldogs’ end zone.  On that kickoff, a GA player, in his eagerness, is off sides.  After a 22-yard kickoff return, the ball is moved an additional 5 yards toward the goal.  With only 4 seconds left and the ball on the 43-yard line, the Volunteers have time for one play.  If you watch college football at all, or have any sense of irony, you know what happened.  In case you don’t, here is a link for the last 30 seconds of the game. Finishing well

  

This blog is neither to rub salt in the wound of my Bulldog friends nor to praise the Volunteers, but the lesson here is obvious. 

Finish well. 

Had the Bulldogs maintained their composure in the last 10 seconds of the game, the Volunteers might have had the ball with time for one play 63 yards from the goal line.  That 20 yards difference was, in my opinion, the difference in the game.  There are 63-yard, Hail Mary touchdowns, but they are much less common than 43-yard touchdown passes.

This morning when I came into my office, I found a form letter on my desk offering me a $20,000 death benefit/burial policy.  In their offer they used the term “Senior Citizen”.  I don’t think of myself as a senior citizen, neither do restaurants; I don’t get the senior discount.  But it was a reminder that I am playing in the second half.  I feel pretty good about the game so far.  I have sucked at special teams, but done well on defense and offense.  But I am clearly in the second half of play and the fourth quarter will be here before you know it.

I have known Christians and preachers that have played a great first half, but in the second half they have not so looked good.  They replace passion with routine.  They trade opportunity for security.  They stopped learning, discovering, developing and adapting and settled for old books, old sermons, old programs and old methods.  I am in the second half and I have to admit it is a lot easier to rest on first half accomplishments, rather than press on toward a new challenge.  But I know that I am a long, long way from winning.  So I have to learn new stuff.  I have to face new challenges and I have to take new risks.  I will not win every down.   I can only focus on the next play.  So, that is where I will focus.  That way when I finish the game and they close my eyes for the last time, I will hear the words,  “Well done, team mate! Game over.  You won.  Come in and enjoy the victory celebration.”

Clinton vs. Trump or Falcons vs. Saints?

Tonight we will have the opportunity to watch the first of the Presidential debates for this election cycle.  We will also have the opportunity to watch the Atlanta Falcons play the New Orleans Saints in football.  In view of the fact that I have learned to hate politics and love football, on the surface this seems a pretty easy decision.

Forgive me for being a cynic, but it seems that politics has become more of a matter of image over substance, of advertisement over character, of spin over truth.  Both of the major candidates have emphasized the deeply flawed character of their opponents.  I believe that in this regard both candidates are, to a certain degree, telling the truth. 

I am not sure I want to trade an evening of my life to hear two deeply flawed people talk about how they are better than the other.  Allow me to sum up the debate before you have to listen to 90 minutes of diatribe.  One will likely say, “I have experience trust me.  My opponent is reckless and dangerous.”  The other will likely say, “We are in a dangerous position because of people like my opponent.  I can make things better, like they used to be.”  There you have the debate; you can now watch football. 

Don’t get me wrong I am not advocating that voters should be ignorant about the candidates or the issues.  I am just not sure that either of these people will ever be able to impress me.  I am not interested in being depressed by listening to two people throw a lot of mud at each other.  When you throw mud not only do you get your hands dirty you also lose a lot of ground.

As I was reading scripture in the early hours, I reread a passage that seemed to be apropos for today.  Jeremiah 9:23-24

Thus says the Lord, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord.

It is not my place to judge the spiritual condition of any candidate for office.  I can look at the lives of candidates and ask the question, “By their actions do they appear to understand and know God?”  I will likely vote for one of these two for president, but I doubt seriously I will ever be impressed by either of them.

I suppose, if the Monday night football matchup were more compelling than teams with a combined record of 1 win and 3 losses, I might watch the game.  But the most likely scenario is a good book and early to bed.  

On being the whore!

We sometimes miss a powerful point from the book of Hosea.  We read this book about the wickedness of Israel and the patient loving God as it is played out between Hosea and his wife Gomer.  It is easy to focus on the sin of the nation and the bazaar, and almost confounding, commandments God gives to Hosea.  We discuss the fine details of exegesis of this book and discuss whether it is a historic record of an allegory.  One point that we often miss is that, “we are Gomer!”  Allow me to rephrase that, “I am Gomer.”  

God wants me to move from experience to trust, from feelings to love.  I can feel the emotions very strongly.    I can’t feel the truth in such a visceral way.  I can feel hurt, rejection, or offense.  But it is not so clear to feel the approval of the truth.  I can articulate the disappointment I experience, but it is harder to commit to the truth in the moments of disappointment.

Given the choice, my fallen nature easily gravitates toward what I feel.   God wants me to know that I am accepted, loved, and affirmed.  But with the profound allure of the flesh, the world, and the whispers of the demonic, I move toward what feels good, self vindicating or rewarding.  When I give in, I become Gomer.

I am the wife, who out of dysfunction, goes off to the strip club and turns tricks.  I am the $5 crack whore that will do anything for the next fix.  I betray my true lover and chase hard the ruin of my own life.

And God loves me anyway.  That is the point of Hosea.

He comes to the basement apartment in which I exist, that stinks of mildew, and piss, and the sweaty John from the night before.  He carries me to His mansion and puts me in a sick bed.  The best physicians attend; cost is no object.  All the while He is at my bedside.  He towels my face and holds my hand in the convulsive throws of the illness.  He holds my head as I vomit the poisons from my body.  In the mansion I need never worry about the next meal, having clean sheets, or what I will do if I soil my clothes.  He cares for me in my recovery, even when I feel nothing but fear, distrust, frustration and darkness.  Everything tells me I am loved.  When He walks from the room and I can’t see Him I can trust and say, “He will be right back; everything will be alright.”

Read Hosea, but remember, we are Gomer.  The sooner we own that, the sooner we will be able to accept the great and marvelous love of our Savior.  The sooner all our motivation will be because we love Him.

My Religion is getting in the way of my faith

It is the story we have heard over and over again; a story that we often teach or preach.  It is a story that has literally shaped our language.  Even those who are unfamiliar with the story itself and have never decided to follow the storyteller understand the meaning of the term “Good Samaritan”.  So how is it that this story hits me again with new conviction?  How could I have not noticed its application to my life before?  Maybe this application is reserved for those who have ears to hear.

Since you are familiar with the story, I will cut straight to the whack on the head I just got.  The biggest difference between the priest and the Levite, on the one hand, and the Samaritan on the other, was this faith system.   All other factors appear to be the same or at least similar.  This is not an anti-Jewish story, nor is it anti-Mosaic law.  It is a story about who is the neighbor I am supposed to love as myself.

So what kept the priest and Levite from helping the wounded man?  It was apparently their faith system.  If they came in contact with a dead body they would become unclean according to the God-given law.  They were, apparently, deeply committed to doing the right thing according to the tenants of their religion.  It was their very religious practice that kept them from touching the hurting man.  I find it interesting that Jesus offers no condemnation for these men and their meticulous observance of that part of the law.  By His follow-up question, Jesus leads us to believe that loving our neighbor-the person in need-takes priority over other religious observances. 

In my religious practice I find it interrupts my faith.  Jesus said in the great commission, “As you are going make disciples of all nations” (note the infinitive).  My problem is all the places I am going, at least in theory, are filled with disciples.  As I look at the week I am huddling with disciples, Sunday morning worship, evening leadership teaching, Monday night men’s group, Tuesday night church league softball (if I want to go and support the team), Wednesday church youth group, Thursday night prayer meeting.  You get the picture.

Jesus’ last words on earth for me were that as I was going through life, I should be making disciples.  I am simply so active with my religion that I haven’t time to live out my faith as an obedient follower.  I am, however, not opposed to the occupation of ministry. 

I love my work as a church consultant.  I am thankful for my role as an interim pastor.  But I know that I am missing something.  There are people who are hurting and in dire need of love, but grace and I are too busy with the habit of my religion to be of any use to them. 

Maybe I have it upside down.  Rather than fill my week with Christian activities and events, perhaps I should fill my week with building relationships with people who haven’t yet experienced Christ’s love.  If there is time, I will gather with Christians for worship.  If I did that, would worship be sweeter and the week more fulfilling?  Can I practice my faith more and my religion less?

Shades of Gray in Senior Leadership Role

Senior Leadership Role

Conflict can be a part of any of these continuums, but the most serious conflict is likely to develop in the role of senior leadership.  Assumptions regarding the role of the senior minster can be distressing for a congregation when those assumptions work themselves out into conflict between the minister and the other leaders in the church.  Working through these expectations, specifically who is/are the senior leader(s) and how do they relate to other leaders, is critical for harmony within the church. This issue is also complicated by the fact that churches of different sizes require a dynamic leadership and that leadership will adjust its roles as the church grows and changes.  This is perhaps the most fluid of these continuums.

Many times churches are set up for conflict in the process of hiring a new minister.  Assumptions are made about the role of the senior minister or staff members when both the congregation and the minster use common terms that they interpret very differently.  The presumption of a common definition that has an actual underlying divergence of meaning results in churches entering into a relationship with a minister, each expecting what the other has no inclination to deliver.   As a result, there is a short honeymoon in the ministry, followed by mutual frustration and deterioration of relationship into a congregation taking sides along the divide within the leadership.

Unfortunately, the issues of leadership roles are rarely expressed until after conflict has begun, at which time resolution is much more difficult to achieve.  Long before the first signs of conflict, churches and ministers would be wise to honestly discuss their expectations regarding the role of senior leadership.  For congregations that are looking for a minister, there needs to be a clear definition of expectations and roles before the first candidate interview.  Once the process has begun, there is a tremendous temptation to appeal to a prospective minister by conciliation and compromise, which will not represent real expectation.   

Looking at the shades of gray in the leadership role of the senior minister, it is important for the minister and the church to be in the same general area on the continuum, understanding an identical location is not very likely. 

Senior Minister as C.E.O.
At one extreme end of the spectrum the senior minister is seen as the C.E.O. of the church being the primary point for direction and leadership.  This is, in some churches, taken to the extreme that the senior minister is next to the Lord himself in terms of authority.  In one congregation during the board meeting, the senior minister sits next to an empty chair that represents the presence of Jesus.  Senior leaders at this end of the spectrum can become autocrats and petty tyrants who rule the church as their personal serfdom.  In such a church, there is a grave danger for the minister to surround himself with ‘yes’ men who fawn over his great leadership and endorse every decision.  

The senior minister who is a C.E.O. often has little to do with daily ministry; his role is to give the vision and direction to the ministry and to be the personification of the church from a highly visible stage.   Administrators who direct the functional operations of the church see to it that the vision is carried out. The senior minister cares for the flock as a “rancher” who delegates the task of shepherding. As C.E.O. his relationship with the board is that the board implements and supports his directives.

The parallel advents of the mega church and the C.E.O. pastor have become two sides of the same coin.  In many mega-churches, it is impossible to speak to the senior minister and it is nearly impossible to speak to his secretary/personal assistant.  The most a church member might expect is to leave a message with the receptionist who will forward it to the pastor’s aid.  The connection of the seeker- driven church and the mega-church has resulted in an expectation that ministers of many seeker-driven churches attempt to assume the role of C.E.O. regardless of size.

 If objectives of the minister are not reached a strong church board will replace the C.E.O. with one that can move the church toward it objectives.  However, in some cases the C.E.O. is so powerful that even the board cannot remove him from his leadership position.

In summation, if such a minister were an animal, he is the alpha male of a large, efficient, and aggressive wolf pack. 

Senior Minister as Chaplain.
At the other extreme end of the continuum, the minister is a personal chaplain for every member of the congregation.  He is the primary and, in some cases, the sole  caregiver for the spiritual needs of the church. His work, ministry and role are determined by the needs of the members of the congregation. He is expected to be on call, at all times, to provide whatever services any member expects or requires. 

He is the “shepherd” with hands-on, direct contact with all the flock and is personally responsible for their perceived spiritual well being.   Such care will certainly include regular home visitation as expected by members, daily hospital calling, and crisis intervention and problem solving for members and those related to members.  He is only to reprove, rebuke, and exhort if it is done in such a way as not to offend members of the church.    One congregation offered their minister a three-part job description: 1) Do not change anything 2) don’t try to get new people instead take care of the ones we have got 3) preach sermons to make people feel happy. 

The congregants, based on how happy they are with their treatment by the minister, evaluate his job performance, sometimes by annual vote of confidence and sometimes by direct or indirect complaint.  Make no mistake about it, this minister is hired by the church to do their bidding.  The role of the board is to insure that the minister does his job and to communicate to the employee any dissatisfaction from the congregation. 

At the extreme end of the continuum, the minister has little or no authority concerning the direction, vision, or mission of the church.  He will likely have no authority over H.R. or staffing decisions.  One leader commented that overseeing staff is something the senior minister most definitely should not be doing.  The minister in such a congregation had better learn to do as he is told and not make waves.

If the C.E.O. pastor is the alpha of a wolf pack this pastor is expected to be the lap dog of a miniature variety 

The broad range in the middle

Either extreme can be dangerous and must be avoided.  Nowhere is there a greater need for a church to know and be honest about its expectations.  Nowhere is there a greater need for the minister to have and faithfully hold his convictions about his style of ministry.  Ministers more given to pastoral care will not thrive in a congregation wanting strong senior leadership.  Congregations that are looking for a pastoral minister will soon be disappointed with a visionary, regardless of how likeable he may be. 

In Act 1, scene III of Hamlet

Polonius says:


This above all: to thy own self be true


And it must follow, as the night the day


Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Many ministers wanting to gain the acceptance of a congregation or to get a position with a church will not be true to who they are and then set themselves up for conflict. 

Both church and minister must avoid the extremes of this continuum.  On one end there is a tendency for the church to become a cult of personality that revolves around the minister. On the other extreme, the minister loses his personality as he revolves around the church.