We got some bad news in our house
this week. My father-in-law was
diagnosed with cancer. It is too early
to have any long-term prognosis but the first test results and first comments
of the Drs. are not very encouraging.
There are a number of tumors on the surface of the skin, in the
lymphatic system and spread through the trunk of his body. The Drs. specifically noted at least two in
the lungs. His mother and father as well
as his two older sisters died of cancer.
His surviving sister is a cancer survivor.
Sunday afternoon a couple of men
from the church where he attends came by to serve him communion and offer their
support. After the prayers and communion
he shared how much it meant to him to have them come by. He shared with them the family history and
them told, “The clock is running out for me.” He then broke down and
cried. My wife, who was down for the
weekend, said it was the first time she had ever seen her dad cry. She and my daughter, who was granted
special leave from the Navy, also gave way to the tears. When he was first told the biopsy results he
had been talking about being able to “beat this”. Later he became angry about being moved from
one room to another, he is not the kind of man who gets angry. Perhaps he has moved from denial and anger
into acceptance, if those categories or stages are even valid. I am not qualified to say where he is.
We are hoping and praying for
good health and healing but we also realize that unless the Lord returns we
will all pass from this life to our reward.
With that in mind we are planning to make sure that we get all the
visits in while we can. We are planning for
our oldest daughter and her two children will be down next weekend. The weekend after that my son, youngest
daughter and I will go down to have a visit.
When I have my time talk with my father-in-law I am not entirely sure
what to say.
I could talk about how I was
welcomed into the family and treated with a kindness that is hard to
describe. There was never a sense of my
not belonging. In some ways I have felt
more accepted by my in laws than my immediate family. (Then again my immediate family knows my
faults and childhood). I could talk
about how wonderful my life is because of his wonderful daughter. My wife is a delight and joy. She is the star of our home with all planets
finding place warmth and life in her.
That is the result of her dad imparting to her great love, honor and
respect. My wife tells me that growing
up she went through an awkward homely stage; she said it was the worst year for
a girl struggling with self-esteem. But
in that difficult year her tender hearted dad made her feel like a princess. In fact he still carries that year’s school
photo in his wallet. I could, but will
not, ask him about the troublesome and painful dysfunctions of his family, his
in-laws and that generation. He stood
between his little girl and the bad old days and protected her from a lot of
not good stuff. My wife’s elementary
school struggled with race relations and integration. My father-in-law told my wife, “Black kids
are just like white kids, if you are friendly to them you will make a new
friend”. Pretty color blind advice. But it is even more remarkable when you remember
that his mother rode the lead horse in the KKK parade. He stood between the evil of one generation
and innocents of another and protected my wife.
I could go on and tell other stories but the computer screen is getting
blurry and my hands are shaking and my heart is heavy.
I suppose that when I go to talk
to ‘Papa’ I will simply tell him I love him, and “THANK YOU” for doing so much
to make my life wonderful.
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