Pastors don’t trust your people...

....or yourself for that matter. 

The following are headlines taken from online news sources from March 22 and 23.  During those 48 hours we find:

“Oklahoma pastor’s daughter arrested for allegedly molesting 10-year-old boy.”

“71 year old church treasurer accused of stealing nearly $500k from church.”

“Former Las Vegas church treasurer headed to prison for stealing $1.5M from church.”

“Youth pastor accused of recording teens showering at his home.”

“CHURCH YOUTH-GROUP LEADER ARRESTED ON SEX ASSAULT CHARGES.”

“Hurst pastor takes computer in for repair, faces child porn charge.”

“Local pastor arrested on felony insurance fraud charge over staged burglary.”

“Pastor's Wife Charged With Fraud Again.”

“Prominent Columbia Pastor Charged with Domestic Violence.”

“Pastor Jailed For Three Years For Child Molestation.”

“Roanoke pastor faces sexual battery charges in cases involving juveniles.”

These stories have at least two things in common.  First, is that they are terrible tragedies.   Each headline represents a monstrous betrayal and terrific hurt.  Behind the headlines are broken hearts and ruined lives.  These are stories of faith now in crisis because of the evil behavior of sinful people. 

The second common denominator is the responses of incredulity from church members and leaders.  If you listen to the voices of those in the congregations, you will hear things like:

I just can’t believe it.

He/she is the last person you would expect to do something like this.

We never thought they would do this.

In the church we have fallen prey to being too trusting of those around us.  Let me state that I do not believe that we need to be in a perpetual witch-hunt, always looking for a child molester or pervert under every rock.  There is a level of trust that is necessary for life in a civil society.  But our error over the last few years has not been to the side of overly cautious, but on the side of foolishly careless.  For example, a couple of years ago my daughter visited a church near the Bible college she was attending at that time.  On her first visit to the church she was asked if she would like to help in the nursery the next Sunday.  This volunteer recruiter did not know anything about my daughter and presumed that she was a Bible college student.  We know that every and all Bible college students are of only the highest moral character.  (Please take a moment to bask in the cynicism of that statement)  For all the recruiter knew, my daughter could have been a witch that was looking for a human sacrifice).

Not every church is as foolish as this congregation was, but our universal reaction to the moral crisis in our church is shock, surprise and bewilderment.  It is time for the church to put away the humanist ideals of the ‘goodness of man’ and take a more Biblical worldview about herself and the potential for evil within the church.

Here are three generalized suggestions that might be helpful:

Presume failure and take steps of prevention.  Too may times, I have heard minsters or church leaders say, “I would never do thus and so.”  More humble leaders might say, “I hope I never fall into this or that sin.” I believe a better statement would be,  “I will certainly fall into the most grotesque sins unless I actively, faithfully and honestly take proactive steps to prevent sin and live a life of holiness.”   The first two statements presume the likelihood of life-long, personal holiness as a real possibility, which is unreasonable.  The third statement presumes failure unless active measures to pursue holiness are an intentional part of life.

Let’s do good practical theological work on human depravity.  The question is not really about Calvinism or Armenianism. It is more practical than finely chopped theology.  Rather than focusing on the nuances of different theological positions, we need to focus on the very practical application of what we know about our fallen, human nature.  Unless you believe that everyone in your church has archived an entire sanctification, which has led them to Christian perfection, then everyone in your congregation is, at least, capable of acts of gross depravity.  The sooner we become more Biblical and less Humanist the better.

We need to be honest and open about accountability.  In my years of ministry with multiple staffs, the only time I had to deal with behavioral problems from staff members was with those members that were resistant to being held accountable.  I realize my experience is limited and antidotal, but this pattern was 100% consistent.  I never had problems with staff members that were willing to set up systems of accountability.  I am so convinced of this that I believe if a staff member will not set up and work under an appropriate system of accountability they should be dismissed immediately. 

In a crisis moment in my ministry I had a conversation with an attorney to discuss our church’s exposure regarding an event of moral failure by one of our leaders.  The attorney gave me three very important questions that always come up in court.  I want to apply these questions to this discussion.

#1.  What did you know?

We know that man has a bent toward sin. Even after salvation there is an ongoing war in every Christian’s heart.  There is always the possibility for catastrophic failure. 

#2.  When did you know this?

We have known this in the church from the earliest days of the church’s existence.  It is testified to us in the Word of God.  It has been discussed and studied for almost 2000 years of church history.  We have known this a long time.

The most important question:

#3.  What did you do about it?

Too often we have done very little.  That is a question I must leave with you 

The Awkward Teenage Church

“If you are giving something great away for free and no body wants it, you are doing something wrong.”  Amanda Arrington founder Pets for Life

After the conviction of Michael Vick on dog fighting charges an Atlanta, animal, welfare organization wanted to engage urban pet owners to help prevent other cases of animal cruelty.  They were going to provide free veterinary services, pet foods, medication, collars, leashes, and other services to urban pet owners in a community fair context.  Despite their advertising, publicity, and a great need the total attendance at the “End Dog Fighting” fair was two.  They were giving away something really great, but nobody wanted it.  What went wrong?  The entire perception of what they were, who they were going to serve, and their agenda was askew.  An event to end dog fighting is not going to appeal to people that own dogs that are small, docile, very old, or very young.  It will not appeal to cat owners or dog owners who hate dog fighting or to dog fighting dog owners. 

A couple of years later a similar event with the same aim was held in Philadelphia.  This time it was marketed toward people who love their pets, any kind of pet, and who would be willing to accept free help in caring for their pet.   The offerings were essentially the same, but the communication was different.  When the volunteers arrived at the venue at 7:00 A.M. to set up for the 9:00 A.M. opening there was already a line forming.  Eventually, all the supplies were distributed and still people came.  Just under 1000 pet owners showed up and gave their names and contact information.  What made the difference?  It was not the content.  It was the presentation, the communication.   

We have the greatest gift/grace in the universe and it is free for all.  If people don’t want it, we are doing something wrong.

I recently had my heart broken.  I listened as a young lady told the story of her visiting a church.  She had grown up in church, her husband had not.  After months of talking about finding a church they finally took the plunge, found a church near their home and took the step of visiting.  They arrived early and the following was the description I heard from this young lady: (edited for brevity)

ü Parking was in the back, so we had to find our way to the sanctuary.

ü After we sat down someone told us the church had segregated seating (based on age and marital status) and we should move to a seat near him.

ü We were asked if we were married (twice).

ü We were asked when we were going to have children (three times).

[Editorial interjection: If I were a person who used profanity I would let loose here.  If this couple had recently miscarried or were infertile such a question, beyond simply being rude, would be devastatingly hurtful].

ü Before services began we were told to move again because the youth were out on a trip and everyone needed to sit in the center section of the church.

ü We were repeatedly asked, in detail, what we did for a living.  [He has a job that involves a security clearance and as such these questions demanded he give false information or breech his clearance].

ü We were asked to give our number so we could be contacted about joining a small group.

ü When we put nothing in the offering basket and handed it to the next lady on the pew, she glared daggers at me.

ü The church provided no hymnals and the words to the songs were not projected on to the screen.  The same was true for Bibles during the sermon.

The couple gave the church high marks for its teaching and for its attempts to be friendly.  But they commented that it was all terribly awkward.  I checked out the church’s website and everything looked great online.   This young couple is planning to visit another church next Sunday.  I understand that this is the impression of one couple and that they may not understand the congregation, but it was a rough start.  It is my prayer that they will find a church home before they give up the search in frustration. 

What happened?  I believe it was the same kind of thing that happens when an awkward young teen tries too hard to attract the attention of someone of the opposite sex.  They were so wanting to be liked, accepted, and approved of by their guests that they forgot about caring, genuinely caring, about the person.  In the church, we have placed so much emphasis on “attractional” ministry that we feel pressure every time a guest shows up.  We treat every service with a textbook approach of how to care for a guest.  But the information that we gained at a conference we attended or a book we read may not fit our ministry.  These conferences and books are great-they can teach us a lot of useful techniques.  But if we rely on techniques, we are like the young teenage girl trying to get attention by using too much make-up or the teenage boy drenched in cologne.  We will make an impression, but it may not be the one we want.

  What is the alternative?  Not to dishonor what we learned from conferences and books, but we must actually like people for who they are.  People cannot become projects, targets, or numbers.  We cannot offer a façade of caring that is designed to manipulate guests into being one of us.  There is only one moment and that is now, there is only one person and that is the individual.  Genuine love, care and friendliness is much more difficult than a textbook approach to guest services, but the only way to treat people.  The community that can communicate interest in the individual for who they are can avoid the awkward adolescences of ministry.

When preachers believe in Nine Commandments and a Suggestion

You might recall the hubbub Ted Turner stirred up when he declared the 10 Commandments to be obsolete and proposed his own 10 Volunteer Initiatives for Social Justice.  Many who take the Bible seriously were deeply offended by the self-importance of an individual who would discount the Word of God and propose to replace it with his own set of rules.  Even those who were not biblically minded were taken aback by the arrogance of someone who would, based on the wisdom of his own 60 years, want to sweep away a law code that was foundational for most of western law, critical in the world’s three monotheistic religions and had stood the test of time for better than three millennia.  We can agree that Turner clearly stepped beyond the bounds of what is appropriate for a created being regarding the Creator’s commands.

While we may not be as direct as Turner many of us in ministry may not be very different in attitude about the Ten Commandments or at least one of them.  We act as if there were Nine Commandments and one volunteer initiative.  I don’t imagine myself to be a legalist; I don’t believe we are saved by perfectly keeping the 10 Commandments or any code of law for that matter.  But I do believe that the One who gave the 10 Commandments knows what is best for us, what is right, and how we ought to behave.  For our part, I believe preachers are pretty careful about 90% of the commandments.

We would be aghast if we heard a preacher say any of the following:

“Occasionally, I commit adultery; it is not something I want to do, but at times it is necessary.”

“It is not as if I commit murder all the time, in the near future things will work out and I will be in a place where I won’t have to murder anyone.”

“I really hate making idols, but where the church is right now I have to make these idols.”

“Yes, stealing is wrong and bad for me, but the church needs this and if I don’t steal then it won’t get done.”

“The expectations are very high, things are happening and we are really growing so for a while I will have to take God’s name in vain.”

Any preacher who said any of the above would be suspect in his faith, his sanity, and his fitness to minister.  But I have said and heard all of the above about a Sabbath of rest.

“Occasionally I don’t take a day off; it is not something I want to do, but at times it is necessary.”

“It is not like I want to work everyday.  In the near future things will work out and I will be in a place where I can get some rest.”

“I really hate working all the time, but where the church is right now I have to make these sacrifices.”

“Yes, being away from my family and not caring for myself is wrong and bad for me, but the church needs so much and if I don’t do it then no one will.”

“The expectations are very high, things are happening and we are really growing so for the time being I will have a ridiculous schedule, but it is only for a while.”

As a church consultant, about 95% of my conversations are with pastors.  From time to time I meet lazy bums who need to hear a word about putting in more effort.  But most of my conversations are with guys that are overloaded to the point of breaking.  The days are long, the to-do list is never finished, the plan of the week is over- written by the crisis of the week that gives way to the emergency of the week.  Some pastors I know don’t delete old voice mails just so they won’t have new ones to answer. 

In the last few weeks, I have had several conversations with pastors who are physically exhausted and/or whose marriages have suffered and who are pulling radically long days but are soldiering on.  They are serving faithfully and lovingly with a high level of excellence and genuinely love the Lord.  But they are wearing thin.  Two of these conversations have been with pastors leading their church AND heading up another ministry.  Most of the pastors I talk to think that a day off is a luxury they can’t afford.  THAT IS A LIE.  I will give you one guess who whispers that lie to us.  A day of rest is not a luxury- it is a command.  It is not a frivolity- it is an invitation to be with the One who loves you most.  By the way, a day of rest is not attacking a to-do list of chores.

Believe me, the last thing I want to do is to guilt trip you on one more thing you have to do.  Nor will I try to analyze why those of us in ministry are so prone to over-extend ourselves.  What I am asking you to do is to stop.  Just stop!  Play hooky from the office and run away with your Dad, Brother and Comforter.   Take a day and rest.  Leave your cell phone and computer and don’t you dare take anything to work on a sermon.  Just go and rest.  Take a Bible, maybe a journal and pen and spend time reading a passionate love letter to your soul.   Take a nap, but wake up in time to enjoy some good rest.  

And don’t worry about being behind on your to-do list; you wouldn’t have gotten it all done any way. 

Unexpected confession of a pastor

The unexpected confession of a Minister

When we hear that a pastor has confessed to some sin we are still sad, but most of us are no longer surprised.  Pastoral misconduct has happened enough that we feel like we have heard it all.  But a couple of weeks ago I read a pastor’s confession that was not one you hear very often. 

He wrote about having been too weak.  Not weak as in morally weak, but that he appeared weak compared to some of the dynamic and bullying personalities in the church.

What happened was that in spite of his dedication and service to the church, a group had arisen that was intent on co-opting power.  Behind his back they had challenged his credentials for ministry, while at the same time extolling their own virtues.  They may have challenged his work ethic and questioned what he did when not under supervision. 

While the confessing pastor was not explicit in naming their motivations of his attackers, we might expect the usual suspects: power, control, greed, and or glory.  There is clear indication that in his absence the leaders of the coup were intimidating the members of the congregation and may have even been physically abusive.  He admitted that he had not been strong enough to intimidate a church member, let alone any rival who was after power.  He was too weak for that.

When Patience is not a virtue.

At times patience is not a virtue.  Distorted patience can be a scourge that whips us into surrendering to the false god of compromise or compliance.  This kind of patience can be a narcotic that eases the pain of guilt, when what is needed is a call for repentance and change inside of the church.

In my years of ministry training and in my early years of ministry, I was told on a number of occasions that the key to successful ministry is patience.  I was told that incrementalism is the best approach.  For example I was told, “If you want to move the piano from one side of the church to the other, move it one inch a Sunday and eventually you will get it where it needs to be.”  Sounds good, it just doesn’t work, especially when the piano is sitting in front of the communion table.  “Play ball with the powers that be and eventually you would get the opportunity to lead the church,” we were told.  “Do not change things too quickly.”  I have been told that the best response to a challenge to ministry is to be the bigger man and take one for the team.  To never force an issue that was not a core tenant of the faith.  And whatever you do never, ever, ever, ever do something that might split the church.

“How has that worked for you and the church?”

You might ask, “What has been the result of this approach? How has it worked?”  In my ministry I served in four churches where I faced a serious challenge to my leadership and authority.  In all four of these churches we had grown significantly, which was at the root of leadership discontent.  In all four cases, the churches doubled or nearly doubled in Sunday morning attendance.  In all the measures that we typically use, the growth was easy to identify.  And in all four cases there came a direct challenge to my leadership. 

In each, the situations deteriorated to the point I would either have to leave quietly or split the church.  In all four cases I left quietly and graciously.  In a couple of cases I accepted blame for events that were not my fault in order to save the church leadership any embarrassment.  I severed all contact with the church members so the new pastor would not have the ghost of preachers past looking over his shoulder.  I never spoke ill of the church in the community or within our wider fellowship.  Essentially, I gave those who wanted to lead the church full reign to direct the church as they wanted. 

All four of those churches during my ministry grew to a weekly attendance of about 150 with annual growth rates that were far above both national average and community growth.  Since my departure two churches began rotating ministers in and out in rapid succession and have since closed.  One has grown from 150 to about 40 on Sunday morning and has been on that plateau for several years.  And the other has returned to where it was prior to my arrival.

I was too weak

When faced with a challenge to my leadership and ministry I was too weak.  Having been taught that avoiding conflict is the primary virtue I failed to recognize there is a time to stand up to evil people and, if need be, engage in the conflict.  By training and personality I was too weak.  If I had it to do over again, I would have followed the example of the pastor whose confession I read.  He promised to return to the church and this time he would leave no doubt about leadership and authority.  He wrote to the church during one absence, “If you haven’t changed your ways by the time I get there, look out.”  2 Corinthian 13:2 The Message Very clearly, Paul was getting ready to bust some heads and crack some skulls, spiritually speaking. 

I am not asserting apostolic authority, nor am I advocating that pastors look for opportunities to split churches.  What I am saying is that we need to examine very carefully and make sure that what we call patience, humility, or a sacrifice for unity isn’t in reality weakness.

God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.

2 Timothy 1:7, The Message