That Awkward Moment

Have you ever been at a park looking for a place to have a picnic?  You approach a pavilion and find that it has a party already in progress.  On the one hand you would love to be a part, to join in, but at the same time you get the feeling that this is a private party.  There is no indication that you are welcomed, no sign that says, “You are wanted here.”  You could impose yourself; ask to join in if you are of the imposing personality.  But most of the time we simply go away and look for another place.

That happened to me this weekend, well sort of.  This past Sunday morning my wife and I were unexpectedly traveling.  We were not going to be able to attend our regular worship service.   In order to be in a worship, I got online and looked up churches that were near our travel route.  Having located a church that was only a little off our path and had services about the time we would be passing, we decided to stop by and visit.

We arrived 7 minutes early and noticed that a bunch of people were unloading lawn chairs and setting up for what appeared to be a picnic.  There was nothing about a church picnic on their website. 

We got out of the car and walked toward what appeared to be the front/main door for the church building.  We could not be sure because there was no signage at all except for several signs that forbid smoking on campus.  Jesus loves you as long as you don’t smoke here.

Oddly, there was no one near the front door.  I had noticed that there was quite a bit of activity near a rear/side door.  Maybe they had a secret entrance that was supposed to be used.

When we got to the front door there was no greeter, nothing that indicated welcome, in fact, the doors were locked.  There was not even a sign to indicate how to get in or where to go.  An appropriate sign might read, “If you are not one of us, you are not welcomed here!”

We returned to our car, got in, and went somewhere else.  As we left I did honk the horn just to say, “We got your message that we are not wanted.”  Ironically, their church motto is, “Church name, Where everybody is somebody and Jesus is Lord.” 

Perhaps this church has grown so rapidly that they cannot meet inside any more.  Perhaps they have so many folks in attendance that they meet outside in a picnic like pavilion because only God can provide space large enough for all the people who are part of this church.  But my guess is they are stagnant, dying, and wondering why they can’t grow.   Every church says it is a “friendly” church.  I have never heard any church describe itself as unfriendly or exclusive.  But what many churches, and almost all stagnant churches, mean by that statement is, “We are friendly to the people with whom we are attending church; we are friendly to the people we already like.”

In a world of people who are lonely, hurting, and needing relational connections perhaps the most oxymoronic phrase is, “We are a small, friendly church.”  If a church cares about people it cannot stay small.  If a church is small there is a strong possibility that it is either so new that people have not yet discovered it, or it is only friendly to the people they already have and like. 

Here is the good news: I am a committed follower of Jesus.  My faith in Him is not adversely influenced by this failure.  But if I were a person seeking help with the struggles of life, I would never give that church a second chance.  Maybe this church has a powerful and dynamic ministry in the community, but it sure doesn’t seem so.

Several years ago I coached churches on how to have a positive impression on first time guests.  After doing this for several years I discovered that churches fall into one of two categories.  First, are the churches that gut out how to treat guests by trial and error; they may have needed some improvement but, by and large, guests knew they were welcomed.  In the second category were churches that just didn’t care about guests.  For these churches guests were just something you put up with till they went a way.

If you would like a free copy of an outline I used in guest services evaluation, simply send me an email asking for 10 marks of a friendly church.  There is no cost and no obligation.  I simply ask that you treat guests so well that they will want to be part of your church.