What Pep Boys can teach us about why people leave the Church.

I drive a lot.  More than I like.  In fact, last year my business mileage was just a tick over 32,000.  That is not including family trips and personal trips.  That means I change the oil in my car often, every 3500 miles to be exact.  My Honda has 330,000 miles and my goal is 500,000 before I sell her.  I have become fast at changing the oil in my car-7 minutes not counting putting the tools up.  Part of my routine was to go to the local Pep Boys, pick up the filter and oil, and occasionally a few other things.  The trip to Pep Boys took longer than the oil change itself.

Last month, I received a $10 off coupon. I was thrilled because last year I estimate that I spent about $500 at this Pep Boys.  I would get the oil change done for less than $20.  Alas, it was not to be.  The bar code on the coupon was apparently unrecognizable to the register.   Things were tried, other things were tried, and the clerk pronounced curses against the computer and its descendants. 

The supervisor was called over.  Things were tried again and other things were tried, and the ancestry of the computer was questioned.  Finally, the clerk turned the screen to where I couldn’t see it, hit a few keystrokes and said, “There, that takes care of it.”  But the $10 was not taken off the ticket.  When I questioned the total I was told, “No, it is all good.”  The supervisor left and disappeared into the place where staff members go to hide in times of frustration.   I felt like my concerns were less important than company policy.  I felt like I was not heard.  I felt like they wanted me to go away with as little noise and trouble as possible.  I am not the sort to make a scene so I paid the ticket and left.  All total, I had spent 45 minutes in the store, the vast majority of which was at the counter. 

By that evening, I had discovered that I could buy oil filters and oil from Amazon.  And if ordered in sufficient bulk it is just as cheap as the local Pep Boys.  Not only that, a nice man saves me the trip to town by delivering it to my front door.  Yesterday, it was oil change time again.  I went to my shed, got my tools, filter and oil and had the job done before I could have driven to Pep Boys.  Now that Amazon knows my car make and model I can order almost everything I need and have it at my front door in a few days.  What do you suppose the chances are that I will ever go back to Pep Boys?

I doubt that the two clerks were evil people. They wanted to be helpful, but they didn’t have the will or most likely the ability to step outside of policy and protocols.  They very likely, like me, felt powerless against the “machine”.  Somewhere in the vast 800-store chain the needs of one $500 a year customer is not terribly important.  After all, I am just one.

Interestingly, my experience at Pep Boys is not unlike the reasons people are leaving organized religion in record numbers.  Jason Jennings in his book “Hit the Ground Running” refers to this provocative quote, “People do not quit jobs, they quit bosses.”  We might restate it for our purposes to say, “People do not quit churches, they quit leadership.”  No one ever left a church because they were so well loved, so appreciated, so cared for, or so listened to that they were overwhelmed by grace. 

I fear that in the Church’s mad rush to grow numerically, to be the next cutting edge ministry, to have great systems, music, teaching, light show, fog, etc. that we are forgetting the individual.  People are lost in the processes and become frustrated.  Sometimes churches and leaders can treat people like dairy cows, “give your 5 gallons a day and the rest of the time stay out of the way.”  The member gives and gives and gives and then one day, drops off the face of the church and we wonder what went wrong. 

To illustrate from the world of business, a focus group of clients were giving their honest evaluation to the executive team of a company.  One of the clients was an admiral who took his turn to ask how many of the executives had even been on a ship or even talked to a sailor.  The answer was none, not a single one.  The admiral went on to offer the advice that instead of trying to sell products or services to the Navy the business leaders should take some time to listen, to see what sailors do, how they use the product and how it fits in their life at sea.

When was the last time as a church leader you sat down with your people, without an agenda, or a meeting and asked, “How are you doing in life?  How do you feel about the church’s direction or progress?  Are you getting the help you need?”  Most church leaders are deeply dedicated men and women of God.  But they are feeding a monster called church growth.  They unconsciously know that if they don’t feed the monster, the monster will eat them.  So, they are always after the next thing.  But in the process of the next thing, people become giving units or available volunteer hours, or a human resource to be used. 

I was once tasked with contacting a high profile individual from a mega church to be a speaker at an event.  I could not speak to this individual directly, nor could I reach their executive assistant, but I could speak to the secretary to the executive assistant that would make sure my message got at least that far.  I wondered what it would be like to be a member of that congregation.

People are leaving the church in America in staggering numbers.  The back door of the church is open wider now than ever before.  The only way to close that door is for the priority of people to return to the forefront of the life and ministry of the church.  We can only close that door by making sure that people know they are a priority as an individual.